whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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