I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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