Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
