White coat. Heels.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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