worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
