Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
