I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize