i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
