I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
