Do you still have your period?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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