guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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