Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
