You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
