that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
