Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
