I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
wow bdsm is so cute
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