I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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