dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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