I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
