So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
