she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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