I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
