She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
