Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
