So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
