We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
