At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
