I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
