So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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