Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
