it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
