Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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