so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
