saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
