if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize