Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The best revenge is premature balding
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
