what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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