Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
jump out the window naked night went bad
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
