The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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