Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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