Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
