Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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