they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
