actually, I'm a sock model
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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