turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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