pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
