My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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