u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize