ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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