i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
