I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
