I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
