her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
