my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
