He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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