i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
