i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize