the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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