Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
