its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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