We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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