My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
