I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
