I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dear god my vagina.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
