You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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