Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
