Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
