Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
