I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
